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Tales from the Hole. #2 Questions Without Answers

Here’s what I wanted to happen on my walkabout: I wanted God to show up and meet with me. I wanted to connect with The Creator’s earth. (what do our Native American friends know about creation that we Western Christians don’t? Lots.) I wanted to hear my new name spoken from God’s and I wanted to know my final life purpose. It seems to me that I’m on my last lap in the sense that I’ve got 20 years max left for productive doings. I got to make this count. I’ve wasted a lot of time that I’ll never get back.

Camp

Did he show up? I’m not really sure. There were a few moments where I sensed a connection to God’s earth. I woke up one morning with a new name(?) Life purpose(?) But it’s really hard to say. Anticlimactic, at best.

My waiting place. A circle in the sand.

A lot of time by myself, thinking, praying, meditating. Three teardrops, maybe four, of the ocean of tears held back by… I don’t know what… landed on the ground. Grief, sorrow, joy and my Great Sadness waiting to be wept out…nada.

View from my waiting place

On Friday I jounced the 4 miles back to Highway 31 and as I approached the blacktop in my truck I felt the same catch in my throat when I realized that my dad was never coming back. I turned right and pointed my faithful Blazer towards home.

Fortunately, I’ve totally dodged the abandonment issues bullet. Can you rejoice with me?

One Comment

  1. Deborah Gohrke wrote:

    At the moment, I cannot rejoice with you. But I can cry with you. Dang, I love you.

    Friday, October 8, 2010 at 12:59 am | Permalink

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