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Walkin’ Tall. Part two.

So I’ve talked to a few (four) folks since I published the original story a week or so ago. Out of a total readership numbering, oh, about seven, that’s a majority.

My assumption was, and I emphasize the was part, that the subtle irony of the part true, part fiction account would be evident to the gentle reader.

But that was not to be…

Let me set the record straight:

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. True

Chuck Norris invented water. False. Chuck Norris invented hot water.

Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. False. Chuck Norris on one occasion swallowed a 90-day supply of Ambien™ and blinked. Once.

I did not actually see Chuck Norris in the Starbucks (but I sensed his presence).

I did get a gift card for Starbucks from a friend in Seattle and originally guestimated it to be in the five to ten dollar range. Its actual value was fifty dollars.

I did not turn down a request for help with coffee by anyone that day. That was, I thought, a cleverly conceived use of the literary device known as “irony.” I figured that my readership, some of whom have GEDs, would be subtle enough to pick up on the nuanced humor. None did. One suggested that I must have been in a hurry. Another said, simply, “Cheap asshole.” So to explain: A guy gets a fifty dollar gift card for doing nothing and turns around and refuses a request for coffee with $46.50 in his pocket. An allegory (or is that metaphor?) of the blessed being pinchpennies. I was going to add as the last sentence of the story, “A guy has to protect the blessings God sends his way. That’s just good stewardship. Right?” But I figured that was too heavy handed on the sarcasm and way too obvious.

Apparently not.

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