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BP…A Modest Proposal

BP (formerly British petroleum) had just a bit of a woopsie in April of this year. Explosion. 11 dead. The fire. And a teeny, tiny, little leak coming up from the ocean floor.

BP has been known as a caring, safety conscious company for years. Less than 50 deaths (well, maybe not many more than 50) since 1996. Less than 1000 injuries during that same span. So why has OSHA been jumping all over them? Did you know that they had to pay more than $20,000 in fines for that small, insignificant number of deaths and injuries? How are they supposed to make a profit (which, after all, is God’s purpose for them) when they are being hampered by safety regulations on all sides?

Pres. Obama has been dissing them for a slow response a to minor (19,000 barrels a day) leak. Greeners are whining about dead shorebirds, their normal blah, blah, blah. Fisherman, without anything better to do, are complaining just because their fishery has been shut down. The greedy tourism industry of Louisiana and the Gulf Coast is clamoring for some sort of compensation. And then the people, who live on the ocean, a bunch of lazy no good louts, are raising a ruckus as well. What’s a company to do?

Some stats: BP made $66 million per day in the first quarter of 2010. The cost per day of cleanup of these few drops of oil is about $22 million a day, leaving BP with only $44 million per day in profits. Isn’t that cutting things a little slam for these good folks? What kind of message is being sent to the oil industry when one of their own is required to clean up their own mess? Chilling effect, I’m thinking.

The next thing you know some government bureaucrats will be making regulations, and worse yet, and forcing them on these poor, good folks. As we all know the best regulation, especially for large corporations, is self-regulation. Certainly Toyota, AIG, Goldman Sachs, and that mine owner way back east have proven that. They didn’t achieve their current success by obeying a bunch of regulations. No sirree. Not for them.

A Modest proposal: let’s take the fines paid by the real lawbreakers, the real threat to America, the real cause of our current moral decay, and if they’re not stopped, the downfall of all that is good and right and holy in Western society; you know who I’m talking about and I won’t mention Larry Reynolds name, those people who step one foot into the street to get a dollar bill handed to them by some misguided do-gooder in a truck (probably a foreign model). Let’s take the fines and give them to BP.

And I’m sure the CEOs and other executives of these corporations are feeling a little bit blue right now because of the unfair assaults against their collective integrity. Let’s increase the fines on the real criminals (see my Modest Proposal of last Friday), charter a plane or two for these CEOs and send them off to a really fun party at an exotic resort somewhere so they can recharge and get back at it.

You with me?

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