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Crime in Beaverton, Oregon…A Modest Proposal

A Modest Proposal:

Hear ye. Hear ye. Let it henceforth be known that the city of Beaverton, Oregon, a city of fine, upstanding, God fearing, American folk will no longer tolerate flagrant violations of righteousness and moral rectitude.

From this day forward the crime of stepping one foot into the street while panhandling shall be punishable, upon first offense, by a fine of not less than $250,000 and five years in prison. Upon second offense let the fine be increased to $1,000,000, life in prison without parole, and let the offending foot be severed from the leg of the wrongdoer and caused to be hung from a lamppost within 25 feet of the scene of the crime to let all know that Beaverton, Oregon, a city of fine, righteous, upstanding folk will not tolerate such behavior.

Let mothers be encouraged to bring their children by and point out that severed foot to said children as a warning as to what surely will happen to them if they were to plummet to such depths of degradation and subhuman behavior.

Oh yeah, and let it be known that Beaverton Oregon will not tolerate within its city limits the presence of those who have fallen upon hard times and now are reduced to living outdoors. We know it’s their fault.

There you have it. I think we’ve struck that fine balance between judgment and mercy. Don’t you?


  1. Angela Harms wrote:

    Welcome back, Ken. 🙂

    Friday, June 4, 2010 at 2:15 pm | Permalink
  2. Julie Paine wrote:

    Jesus would have been in BIG trouble on Beaverton.

    Friday, June 4, 2010 at 2:47 pm | Permalink
  3. great saga! you for sure know how to tell great stories

    Friday, June 4, 2010 at 4:55 pm | Permalink
  4. kloyd wrote:

    Thanks, Angela


    Saturday, June 5, 2010 at 12:45 am | Permalink

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